did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
