I wanna bring you to show and tell
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
