His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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