no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
