he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
