So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
