More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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