Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
