Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
