Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
