Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize