It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
