I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
