it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
