i jhust puked up my retainher.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
