24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
