it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
