Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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