Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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