i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize