I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
