So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
