Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
