the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Come see our sink grown plant.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
