Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
