I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
