You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
