that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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