I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
