god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cut my penus on the lid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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