Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bring me that man meat
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
