take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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