Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
