I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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