There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize