It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
