I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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