Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
