It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
