Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
