i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As shirtless as possible
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
