Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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