ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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