Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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