Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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