Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
