We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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