chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
