What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
