I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
