Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
