Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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