She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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