I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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