I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
