Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
