it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
