I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize