guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you would pick up someone in the library
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
