Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
