This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
