What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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