I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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