coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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