so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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