No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
