Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
