It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
