um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
