SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
