we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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