Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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