The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize