Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
