Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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