Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
