in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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