haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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