I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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