I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
