Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
