I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
