remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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