I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
