im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
