is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
