got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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