At least make sure they are 18
Why
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
