my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
