i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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