you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
