He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
