Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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