Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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