My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
