it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
