I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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