I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
