My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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