Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
