Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
