u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
