I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
