Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
