I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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