did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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