i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
