this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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