first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize