I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
