Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
